Fear Not – Prose for Thought

This post comes with a Sad Alert: If you are in any way hormonal at the moment or easily depressed, perhaps it would be better to go look at funny pictures of cats instead.

I have been discovering a lot of other blogs online recently and in between all the witty and light-hearted stories have also ended up reading sad stories about miscarriages and SIDS. Suffice it to say I have spent quite a lot of time not just laughing but also blubbering at the computer. So, what do you do when you are overwhelmed with The Sad? Write poetry of course.

This poem is about fear. The moment you find out you are pregnant, you start to worry about the new life inside you, and if you let yourself you can spend the next 18+ years worrying about your child. When I found out I was expecting my son, my mother in law gave me the little ornament in the picture and it has seen me through to this day. In this poem I have tried to put into words what it says to me.

Fear Not

I read about death sometimes and weep
hot tears of grief for another’s loss
and I am gripped with fear, I clutch you close
to ward off the day that you too must go.

Not now, I say, not soon, not ever,
I wish for long days and years with you
but my mind conjures up scenes of dread:
an accident on a busy road
a sudden illness, a fall, a fire
or a cold limp body in a bed.

Tears come and keep coming for my imagined lossGods hand
and I resolve to do better at keeping you safe
No “oh that will hold” or “let’s see if it goes away”
No compromises, no complacent joy.

But I cannot stop life
and this life does not last
I must not waste yours with my fear
Instead I must give you away
in faith
into a surer pair of hands
that will carry you from first to last
and beyond into a brighter, better world

(c) Judith Kingston

Check out Helen’s poetry here if you want to see what set me off. Bring tissues.

I am also linking this up to Prose for Thought at Victoria Welton’s blog.

Prose for Thought
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A day late: Prose for Thought

Yesterday was World Poetry Day. I thought I’d honour it by joining in with Victoria Welton’s lovely initiative, Prose for Thought, and posting a poem I wrote this week for my little girl.

Intoxicating

You are asleep, and have been for hours
I have stolen some time away
exulting in a weekly shop at all-night Tesco
or a hot cup of tea at a friend’s.

Then I catch a hint of your scent on my clothes
milk and fabric softener
eczema cream
and just you.

what do I care about these moments of freedom?
in another hour I can hold you close
as you feed in your sleep
one small hand stretched up towards my face
and I’ll be wrapped in your smell and you in mine

(c) Judith Kingston

More poetry here.

Prose for Thought